Maybe
Hope is for the coward. Hope is only for people that don’t go for it. People that just stays with the flow, that let life carries on, and doesn’t fight for anything.
I’m not like this. I fight for what I want. I burn myself to the stake to get what I want. I don’t allow myself to wait and wait until something just comes to me.
That’s why I can’t keep waiting for you. I can’t just freeze myself in time, until you realize I’m the woman. I have to move on, to take care of my heart, and to fight for my dreams.
And in my dreams, I’m not alone. In my dreams, there’s love. And I’ll go for it.
I’ll seek love everywhere. I’ll keep my mind open to it. I’ll do my job.
You are in my heart by now. I don’t know for how long and how strong. I don’t have these answers.
Maybe you’re going to stay in my soul forever, and I’ll not be able to give myself to another someone.
But maybe I will. And I’ll fight for that chance.
If you don’t want my love, if it’s not possible, or if just ain’t no chance that someday something will change, I won’t be here waiting. Maybe, when you realize what I am to you, I will still be in love with you. Maybe not.
Only time will tell. God helps us.
¤
Among chords and linen
I am light and dark,
pain and pleasure,
smile and blurled eyes,
longing and presence,
I am soul and body,
bread and caviar,
kiss and bite,
sacred and profane.
And between high and low, cold and heat
My gaze is lost in the crowd
What I seek, and can’t find
What I miss while I hide
I am cold and heat
water and gold
time and eternity
light and darkness
I am birth and death
fondling and thorn
Black and white
heart and reason
Among suffering and ecstasy, heaven and hell
My soul is lost for cures and passions
What I seek, and can’t find
What I miss while I hide
¤
Sweet
Sweet taste of you
Lay down to my troath
And into me it stays
Sweet smell of you
Enters my soul and my senses
Dizzing me all the way
Your signs always awake me
¤
You
I won’t be mistaken,
Cos I love your voice and your touch,
And everybody will know it,
Will hear it,
As I’ll scream it to the world.
I won’t be broken,
Cos you love me as I do love you,
And you’ll respect my disclosure
Will stand by me as I jump
As I’ll lay myself in your arms.
I won’t be forgotten,
Cos I will leave my scars in your heart,
And you’ll need me to kiss them,
Will call for my arms to embrace you
As I’ll stay always by your side.
¤
Mask
She was scared. Scared of the distance he created, as they have never been lovers. On his voice, no trace of care. Not a sign of feelings. No hate, no love. Just indifference.
How could he be so cold? Can anyone wipe away a lover as autumn leaves? His attitude hurt deep in her heart, a wounded heart with so many unhealed scars.
The only explanation she found was pain. There must be a hidden pain, as huge as hers, leading him to that path. Indifference emerged as he sensed a single trace of pain’s possibility.
Mask. A mask to be wore whenever it was necessary, to veil the pain. To be used to hide the tears from the image on the mirror.
She was sure the fear will pass. Same will happen with his pain. One day, masks and wounds would have no place. Both would overcome the past, and will build a live with true love as keystone.
¤
Hours on the clock
According to Einstein, time is relative. And you have to know nothing about quantum physics to agree with him.
If you want to think that only because the hands of the clock move always in the same pace, lives goes on at the same rhythm, there are two possible explanations. Either you are not realizing what’s going on around you, or your life is a one stand routine.
The chronology of relationships has nothing to do with the time you have been together, but is closely related to the intensity of what you live. You can have more moments together in a month to be remembered than people who have spent half a life in a marriage. You can make love ina a year more times than couples that are celebrating their silver wedding. It’s a matter of tunning. Vibration. Molecules. Quantum Physics.
Are we capable of keeping this going on, that’s the question. Better than this. Can we make it even better, instead of let the same time that built things, take them away?
All I know is that I live deeply.
And that’s why I love Einstein.
¤
Vastness
I lie sleeping over you. You take me in your arms, caressing me. Shelter me and kiss me. I dream.
I dive in your distant stare and I drown. Sensations, waves made of long deep words that carry all my happiness weight. I look at you and I’m never tired of seeing your thoughts flowing to me. Vibrations of care.
To swim in your love, we reach the shore. Survivors.
Survivors from a world, we found each other on the vastness of an ocean of faces and shadows. We recognize each other and we join.
My body shakes as I think of your kiss. I want you always in me.
¤
Twilight Zone
He lives in the Twilight Zone. Does not allow any contact to the outter world, hardly breaths. Arms around his chest as a protection, does not allow himself to love. Fear. He fears what’s unknown, possible. Closes himself to the world, so the world cannot hurt him.
From the place he hides, he gets only flashes of love. He does not give himself, neither opens his heart. He leaves behind him smiles, carresses, tenderness, only cause he fears he can’t live without them. He thinks that he will not miss what he does not know. In his troubled mind, he imagines he had loved once, when he tried to take a glance outside the Twilight Zone. He is mistaken. All he had was a breath of love, a subtle taste of feeling. He is tied inside a coccon made by himself, from where he controls his tiny universe.
He gives up before trying, he can’t take the risk. Fear. Relationships bound, bounds are bridges, and bridges can be taken by imaginary armies, that can destroy his false security.
Fear. He thinks that the real world can be touched by hands. That what you get is what you see. World made of shadows. Never knew what true love means.
Maybe someday he will dare to chalenge this fear, stepping out of the jail he lives in. Then, he will know the pleasure of being taken, invaded, touched.
On this day, the sun will be shinier, and he will look to the stary night as to a blanket of light, and will see beyond. He will see the woman who will be his love, to whom he will offer himself, not as an enemy to be conquered or feared, but as a trusted friend for the pathway. And the pathway outside the Twilight Zone will have stones and flowers, they won’t be relevant. The important thing is that he will be whole and not a secluded specter, wraped in shadows. He will shine as light.
¤
Sunrise
I hear thunders far way, I can feel the storm comming, closer and closer. The sound becomming louder. The unstoppable presence of the rain arrives, waters to clean and carry all tears. My heart needs the rain and welcomes it as guest-of-honor to feast. Thunders are heralds as they announce that the pains will be taken by the waterflow, drowned in the cries of the drying fountain. And it rains, heavily, and it carries all suffering, desilusion, renewing the once lost and confused soul, and thunders growing stronger change the storm into music, feeding ears that seek consolation. And heavy drops fullfill the streets and alleys and cover my feet and soak my body, spreading relief all over me. And for eternal moments, I allow myself to be carressed by the rain, letting go all that hurts and weights. And thunders, as rain, move away, changing tune. And raindrops music from the sky calms the soul, now clean. And the storm goes by, as everything goes, taking with it the tears, the pain, leaving only happyness and hope that feed my most intimate dreams. And in the sky, after thunderstorm, the sun rises and a new raimbow rises with it. My soul smiles happy. A new morning has begun.
¤
Dreams
I dreamt about you last night. And as all dreams, coherence and logic had no place. In my dream, you loved me. Your eyes smiled. The seashore wind blew, uncombing your dark hair. Peace commanded that cold and desert beach.
And I got lost at your smiling glance. And in awhile, I was inside your thoughts and they were calm as the waves at the cold and desert beach. We were no loger there. Your arm embraced me in a long and warm hug and couldn’t feel the sand on my feet.
Sheets were everywhere. Your body was melted to the sheets and I could see glances of it melting to my skin. I could no longer see stars and ends among ourselves. I could feel your sweet smell in me and your hands touched all over me. I was surpassed by pleasure, devouring you. And I was plenty of you. Enlaced legs in sintony moved in the same rythim. Your mouth played with my neck, making me bristle. My nails making paths on your back and your heavyness was taking my breath away, and I burned in desire. Your mouth tattoed my breasts, that were desperately begging for more. In the end, souls mirrored in our eyes told we’re satisfied. The spreaded sheets testified it. I fell asleep at your side and dreamt and when I woke up, from the dream within a dream, you were sleeping at my side. I went to the windos and saw the sunset and there was no more sea. For a moment, I looked back to the bed and it was not there. In its place, only an empty room. And you were gone. I woke up crying in despair. I don’t know how long did it last, but I still have your bites on my breasts. Do you have scratches on your back?
